Since my first trip, I have heard it over an over again. "How wonderful that you can do this! That is a once in a lifetime opportunity" Even when I was on to my second and third trip, one of the most popular things I heard was about how you don't get to do that kind of a thing more than once. It never made sense to me. This is my fifth time and I am still hearing it! It has only bee lately that it has sunk in why people say it at all.
The two things I dislike hearing more than anything {in regards to my trips} are:
"This is a once in a lifetime chance/opportunity"
and
"You are such a good person to do this!"
Honestly, neither are true! Not for me! First of all, as I have already stated, this is my FIFTH TIME! I can understand that for many people, things such as school, career, family,and work can make it hard to near impossible to do things like yearly mission trips, or even just yearly trips at all. So when someone hears that I am going and they are not aware of the fact that I have been before, then I give some leeway and understanding.
Now the second one bugs me even more and has been getting harder and harder to hear. I know why people say it, and I know that they often do not mean any harm, yet I can't help but get a little put off by this. To be very honest, I feel like being told this actually cheapens the whole thing. I am not going to China,spending my summer at camp, learning the language,building relationships, and looking to move there to be a good person or because I am one.
The other night, I was having a conversation with someone and they said "I have to just tell you how much I admire what you are doing! I so admire that you are putting your life on hold to go and do this in China. You are such a good person! Karma is really going to be great to you the rest of your life and will follow you and your family for years and years now."
That's when it really clicked for me. People think this is me putting my life on hold, going off and fulfilling some sort of a fantasy or short term goal before continuing on with my actual plans.
She said "....you are still putting everything here on hold while you are at it."
NO! I'm not!
See the thing is,I am not biding my time until I find what I want to do. I'm not trying to get in my good deed while I am single so that I can feel better when I have a family and don't have the time and money. {Lets face it....I don't have the money now even when I don't have kids or a husband!}
Not only is this my life, not only is this what I know I am suppose to be doing, but it really isn't me doing it! It really is the Lord that gets me through all of it, and it is only because He has given me this path, and a love for a country and people that I had never considered before! But see, to say that when people are telling me what a 'good person' I am, really makes me sound {and feel} like such a fake put on! It feels like fake humility when I am saying it in response to someone telling me what a good person it makes me. {Not so much when they say what a great thing it is to be a part of. Just when they tell me that it makes me a 'good person'. }
Life isn't on hold. My life is still rip roarin'! And if I end up,for some reason, having to return to America, then it is not picking my life back up and 'starting over'. My hope is that I can continue on with the dreams I have for the future in China, but honestly I am taking it year by year {and sometimes it is more like month by month}
I am 30 years old! This IS my life! :-D And I am so thankful for it to boot!
